What I needed was a witty retort.

On Sunday, Mr. Interrupted’s grandmother took us (including his 4 cousins, aunt, uncle, father, father’s wife, and one of the cousin’s bride-to-be) all out to have brunch at “The Club”. Now, there are two things you need to know. First, I am not a “The Club” person. I am descended from a long and proud line of emphatically blue collar folk. I may be the first person in my family history to ever have brunch at “The Club”. Second, no one told us we’d be going to brunch at “The Club” so I failed to pack appropriate “The Club” clothing for myself, the children, and Mr. Interrupted. He and I wore jeans and a nice top. The kids wore jeans and their snow boots. We arrived, feeling festive and ready to eat and socialize. After they took our drink orders, I took the boys up to the buffet line to get them some food. It was then that Some Woman approached me and said, “Excuse me, just so you know for next time, jeans are against The Club rules.” Of course I apologized and explained that I didn’t know we’d be coming to “The Club” today. It’s possible that I said something that sounded sarcastic like, “well, if I’d known…” Whatever. But after a while I realized that I felt really embarrassed about not having the proper attire and mortified that someone thought they had to tell me about it. I was so embarrassed that, since the dining area was filled with snooty, jacket-wearing “The Club” members, I didn’t go back to the buffet for more food, even though I was still hungry, or for any dessert, even though I really wanted to try their carrot cake which looked very sinful and delicious. I just felt too uncomfortable and unwelcome.

Now, a day later, I’m angry. I mean, why should I have to apologize for how I was dressed for gods’ sake? It’s not like I was all schlobby in torn sweat pants and a dirty tee-shirt. Geez. And I keep wishing I’d said something to that woman to turn the tables on her–to make her feel bad and embarassed, but I can’t think of anything appropriately scathing and hilarious. Any suggestions?