nanowrimo

I am a funny person. Really.

Next November I want to write a funny novel. My last two NaNo novels were (are) very serious. Last year I wrote about the journey of an abused slave girl and how she triumphed over her abuser/captor. This year my book is about a young mother and her son, abducted by aliens, who learn that, in order to save humanity from a bitter future of endless and brutal war, they have to make the ultimate sacrifice. Pretty heavy stuff.

Tonight I was wondering why I haven’t made an attempt at writing humor. I mean, who doesn’t love a funny book? I like to think I have a pretty good sense of humor. Here’s a joke I made up:

When either of the boys are finding every excuse to avoid getting ready for bed, I tell him I’m going to change his name to Joseph. Why? Because he’s stallin’.

I’m not so sure if I’m good at making up jokes.

nanowrimo

In re: the Plot

Dear Jen (if that really is your name),

Are you fucking kidding me? This is absolutely the worst plot I’ve ever seen. In. My. Life. Do you really call yourself a writer? This is horrible. Terrible. Seriously, stop writing now and think of something else or take up a new hobby. I refuse to be party to this travesty of fiction, this horror, this pathetic attempt. I mean, first you make my love interest gay and therefore not interested in me. At all. And then, do you give me any time, even a little, to process that? No. You immediately have us all abducted by aliens. And that’s not all. You go and make the alien ship not actually a ship, but an alien being. A giant, ship-sized extra-terrestrial cuttlefish. Brilliant. And, to top it all off, you almost immediately have the gay dude killed off by yet another kind of alien. Not just any random alien, but a sort of large time traveling dragonfly race that, for some odd reason, you decided would be the source of the fairy legends on Earth. What?! And don’t think I haven’t peeked into your notes for the remainder of the book. Seriously, I have no interest in sacrificing myself and my child for the good of humanity. I suspect you were trying to pull off what you thought was an ingenious plot twist, but I have one word for you. Lame. Lamelamelame. And I refuse to participate. Why don’t you go and write something fun? Like superheroes or rock stars or something? Better yet, go back to your knitting and leave me alone. Hey, here’s an idea. Thanksgiving is next week. Why don’t you go write up a menu and a grocery list. That, at least, is something I know you’re capable of pulling off.

XOXO,
Ellie

Doozer · nanowrimo · Whiskers on Wednesday

Contest Winner

Doozer got first place in the the Wiskers on Wednesday costume contest! His prize arrived in the mail today–a hand knit snakey! Isn’t it sweet? Thanks Jess and Monica!

Also, my TAS and I are doing a word war. Last one to get to 25K words has to buy the other one some chocolate and it has to be done by Sunday at bedtime. I’m off to NaNo land. :-) Wish me luck!

food · life · nanowrimo · off topic

Thinking of Spring Pasta Bake

The stars must have been aligned–this dish was a huge hit at our house tonight.

I riffed on this recipe featured on the Rachael Ray show today. All of the ingredients came from Trader Joe’s. Here’s how I did it:

1. Prepare one pound of dried tortellini pasta according to the package directions.

2. While the pasta is cooking, steam one package of frozen asparagus and then puree.

3. Make Rachael’s béchamel sauce (omit garlic by accident and instead use one part vegetable broth and one part fat-free milk). Add pureed asparagus.

4. Toss the now very very green sauce with the pasta to coat.

5. Brown a package of tomato/basil chicken sausages (squeezed from their casings and crumbled) and add to the pasta and sauce, stirring gently.

6. Pour into a baking dish and cover with TJ’s Quattro Formaggio (about 1/2 a package). Bake at 375° for about 15 minutes until the cheese is browned and the sauce is bubbly.

I6 ate all of what he was served. E3 had two servings. Karl snarfed up a huge bowl. Angels sang.

Now it’s back to NaNoWriMo for me.

nanowrimo

NaNoWriMo is killing me.

I’m just not feeling the NaNoWriMo love this year. I’m trying to write, but gawd I’m bored with my plot. Blargh! I had an idea this morning to have my characters transported by time traveling aliens somewhere else. That might be the only way to save my November. Now, if you will excuse me I’m going to go make a sacrifice to the Deus ex machina.

life · nanowrimo · random

The Flu Strikes

Warning: the following was written while in the throws of flu-induced fever. I cannot be entirely responsible for the content.

I’m sick. I’ve got all the classic symptoms. I haven’t knitted or written at all today. I watched Regis and Kelly, Rachael Ray, and The View before taking a nap. When I woke up I watched CNN until 4 pm (it was an eternity), at which point I switched over to Oprah. Followed by the 5 pm news, the 6 pm news, the 630 “world” news and then the Election Eve News Special. Now I’m watching the Chinese restaurant episode of Seinfeld and Mr. Interrupted is trying to wrangle the children by bribing them with Taco Bell food. To top it off, 3000+ words into my novel, I think I need to start over. I’m already bored with it. I mean, two of my main characters are eating cereal and talking about the National Enquirer, for crissakes! Although, I probably won’t change the plot, just the starting point and the voice (from 3rd person to 1st). How long does the flu last?

3 am Epiphany · nanowrimo

#95

Here’s the second post in this series. This exercise was all about being able to summarize a story that takes place over several years. I have to say, at first I wasn’t inspired, but once I found the character’s voice the words flowed easily and I ended up really enjoying it. What a wonderful surprise. Don’t forget to check out the others who signed up to participate too:

http://rachel-lessonslearned.blogspot.com/
http://teabird17.blogspot.com/
http://thetremblingquill.blogspot.com/
http://www.awomanontheedge.com

———

I press the record button on the tape recorder as she takes a long draw from the cigarette she holds between the first and second fingers of her right hand. The cherry flares hot and red, crackling as the smoke irritates my nose. “Well,” she says, blowing out the smoke and trying to keep it away from my face, “I found the lump in my tit about seven years ago.” Chuckling, a low throaty laugh, she flicks the filter of the cigarette with her thumb so the ash flies away into the grass. “I guess you could say my husband found it.” Bright spots of color bloom on her cheeks. “Course I thought fer sure it’d be the tit cancer that got me.” Her chuckle turns briefly into a rough, junky cough and she takes another puff of her cigarette. The breeze pulls her hair, dirty blonde, into her eyes and she tucks it behind her ear with her other hand.

“Then they started me on the chemo, ya know, and my hair all fell out. Eventually they decided to cut ‘em off, both of ‘em.” She points to the center of her chest with the thumb of the hand holding the cigarette. “I was ok with it, though. I was done tit feedin’ my babies and I wasn’t havin’ any more, ya know.” She drags on the cigarette again and looks away, blowing the smoke through pursed lips, trying to blow it downwind. “But after that Mike didn’t want nuthin’ to do with me and he starts foolin’ around with Lisa down the block.” Tossing her head, she pauses and stuffs her free hand in a pocket before putting the cigarette to her lips again and taking another hard draw.

“They over at her place now. Him and the kids. Which is fine. I got shit to do anyway.”

Yeah, like write a will, I think wryly.

She’s looking at her feet, nudging the dirt beneath the brown grass with her toe. “I guess that’s life, though,” she goes on. “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” She laughs. “That’s what me and my girlfriends all used to say when we was in high school. Didn’t know how true it was until now, though.”

She takes a last draw on the cigarette and flicks it over into the weeds and then she rubs her hands on her thighs. “I wasn’t the same after Mike left, though. I had a hard time finding work since the paper mill shut down. Guess the whole town was shit out of luck after that, huh? I could’ve got a job back down at the strip club ‘cept I couldn’t afford me a pair of tits and Mike wouldn’t buy me none. Bastard. I did finally find me a job tendin’ bar. Shithole of a place, but I could pay rent most of th’ time at least. No health insurance, though. So when I started gettin’ bad sick I couldn’t go see a doctor. Hah,” she says, mirthlessly. “I never thought it’d be lung cancer that get me. I thought fer sure it’d be th’ tit cancer.” She sighs. “Not much t’ be done about that now, is there?”

I nod, trying to put an empathetic expression on my face. I doubt I’m successful.

3 am Epiphany · nanowrimo

#29

Here is the first in the series of NaNoWriMo training posts I agreed to do with my TAS during the month of October. Tea Leaves, and Dale-Harriet signed up too, so go check them out!

—–

It was very nearly dawn by the time Soren arrived back at his lab, the eastern sky a pale pinkish yellow capped by an inky starry blue. He stood for a moment at the top of his hill, looking out over the darkened city. The twinkling lights of the street lamps and the office buildings were gone, as was the usual traffic noise. The hum of a busy city getting ready for work now silenced forever. All was still. Peaceful. Orderly. A stiff breeze tugged at his thick dark hair, whipping it wildly about his head, and he inhaled deeply, savoring the early fall scent of leaves and grass carried upon it. Not even a winging bird disturbed the perfect tranquility of this moment. His moment. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket to guard against the chill and, feeling the object nestled inside, smiled, smugly satisfied. He had known it would work, his calculations precise, his craftsmanship superb. Still, having successfully tested it on this scale was its own vindication.

He took the keys from his pocket and turned to the door of his lab. Now his real work could begin. As he slid the key into the lock, a familiar shiver of pleasure ran over him. Time seemed to stretch out and he felt as though he were one with the mechanism. He was the key, moving each tumbler into its proper place. And then, quivering, he felt the click as the key yielded to the gentle pressure and twist of his hand. Sighing softly, he pushed open the door.

In one motion, he switched on the lights and stuffed the keys back into his pocket before turning to close and lock the door behind him. He leaned against the door, gathering his thoughts, before turning to face what he knew the chaos that still awaited him here.

Naturally the lab smelled nothing like it usually did—of ozone and cleanliness and order, of sterile scientific instruments, precisely and systematically arranged, every object in its place, waiting patiently for his return. No. Of course this morning the smell of human sweat hung heavy in the air. Sweat and blood. His breath caught. He had nearly forgotten about the blood. Given what had happened here last night, he was surprised the stench of blood wasn’t heavier. It was then that the full force of what had happened struck him.

Mostly, the lab was a tumbled mess of shattered glass and stainless steel instruments, but there were a few objects untouched by the frenzied chaos endured only hours ago. Here, a lab chair upturned on a melted lump of plastic and metal that probably had been his computer. There, a jar of formaldehyde that contained a preserved fetal cat, untouched by the apparent violence surrounding it. One might think he’d placed the jar there just now had it not been for the destruction that blocked the way.

The blood, mixing with other spilled liquids, ran down toward the industrial drain in the center of the room and had become a morbid dark and thickened rivulet. Unwilling, Soren’s eyes followed the stream to its source.

Their struggle had been epic in a way, evidenced by the massive damage done to the lab. But in the end, it was his own super-strength that Soren was able to use against him. Soren had only to step aside as the man, desperate to save the city, unwittingly threw himself onto the rebar that had popped from the concrete wall during the fray. The force of the fool’s momentum backed by his super-strength had driven it completely through the left eye socket and out the back of his head, pinning him to the wall like a mounted trophy, killing him instantly.

Soren picked his way over to the lifeless body of the fallen hero, standing for a moment so closely his nose nearly touched the man’s cheek. He fought the bile rising in his throat. “No hard feelings, man,” Soren said to him, a low growl. “I just had to show them I was right.” Then, he took the keys out of his pocket and dropped them to the floor at his feet. This lab was no longer large enough for his needs. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, running his thumb over the object within. Then he made is way back to the door and quietly left.

3 am Epiphany · nanowrimo

An Agreement

NaNoWriMo 2008 is fast approaching. Have you signed up yet? In preparation, my TAS and I have agreed to do some writing exercises together in the month of October. We both have the very excellent book of writing excercises The 3am Epiphany, so each Monday in October I will choose by random number generator a number that corresponds to the number of an excercise in the book. We’ll spend the week writing it and post the results of our efforts on our respective blogs the following Friday.

Want to play along? Get yourself a copy of The 3am Epiphany* and let me know if you want to join in by leaving a comment here by Sunday 10/5. And spread the word, will ya? If there’s enough interest, I’ll do an email list and/or Mr. Linky thing to get everybody writing and reading and practicing for our Olympic event–novelling. Sound like fun?

*Don’t have it? Don’t want to fork over the cash? I totally understand. Check your local library. Also, you could always take note of the assignment number and head over to Borders or B&N and take a peek at the exercise for that week.

nanowrimo

I Did It!